


The Way of the Bull Slayer

by Curnin_Orzabal



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Armorica, Bretons, Brittany France, Mithraism, Mithras, Multi, Roman AU, churchtarts, cunnilungi, historical fiction - Freeform, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 05:34:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5445119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curnin_Orzabal/pseuds/Curnin_Orzabal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ancient Rome AU. Two young, mismatched initiates of Mithras set out on a journey to a new temple in far-off Brittany to bring the ways of the Great Bull Slayer to the land of the Bretons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 and Notes

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to do a Roman AU ever since I read Edward Rutherfurd's _Sarum_ and _London_ , which showed realistic, though fictional, portrayals of everyday people in Roman and other historical societies. Our favorite Mormons are, in this story, living in the 1st century A.D., as initiates into the religion of Mithras-- which originated in Persia, met in small underground temples, and featured an overarching image of their deity, Mithra, killing a bull.
> 
> The Mormon Church and the Mithraic religion have a lot of similarities-- both new religions for the societies in which they originated; both looked upon unfavorably, at times, as "cults" by the majority; and both containing a touch of the "weird"-- astrology in Mithras, science fiction in Mormonism. 
> 
> Mithras has seven grades, from lowest to highest:  
>  _Corax_ , the crow  
>  _Nymphus_ , the bride. This is the level Kevin, Arnold, and all the other Elders except for McKinley are on.  
>  _Miles_ , the soldier  
>  _Leo_ , the lion. This is Elder McKinley's level, being the District Leader and all.  
>  _Perses_ , the Persian  
>  _Heliodromus_ , courier of the Sun. Roughly equivalent to an LDS Area President for the purposes of this fic.  
>  _Pater_ , the father. Equivalent to the Mission President.
> 
> There isn't much historical record that exists of Mithraism, except for literary references. Theoretically this should leave a bit of room for artistic license. (But not _too_ much.)
> 
>  
> 
> _Dramatis Personae_
> 
>  _The Elders:_  
>  Lucius Caelius Jovian = Kevin  
> Publius Crispus Hilarius = Arnold  
> Publius Sabinus Rufus = Connor  
> Mus = Poptarts  
> Maximus = James Church  
> Tullius = Neeley  
> Marius = Zelder  
> Flavius = Michaels  
> Junius = Schrader  
> Camillus = Davis
> 
>  _The Bretons_  
>  Argantael = Mafala  
> Gwencalon = Gotswana  
> Mordore = General Butt Fucking Naked
> 
> Nabulungi stays Nabulungi, but is called Nonnita by some of the Bretons.  
> Her mother also appears in this story as an OC.
> 
>  
> 
> _Place Names_
> 
> Riedonum = Rennes, France  
> Pictavium = Poitiers, France  
> Lugdunum = Lyon  
> Dacia spanned an area roughly from western Romania to eastern Austria, and from the Danube north into Poland.  
> Baiae = a seaside resort town near Naples (underwater since the Renaissance). Jovian/Kevin thinks it's the Orlando of ancient Rome, but he's a bit naive: often it's more like the Las Vegas.  
> Most of northern and western France at this time was called _Gallia Lugudensis,_ and Brittany was called _Armorica._

_A.D. 140_

Lucius Caelius Jovian was happy to be alone, for once.

A nice hot bath and a comforting meal in peace were just the ticket after the last twenty days of no privacy and even less peace. Pictavium was a civilized place, unlike some of the hovels and backwaters they had lodged at. Sure, they weren't done yet... they still had five days before they were to reach Riedonum, but at least the end was in sight and he actually felt they'd made progress.

He bit into his fresh bread, took a morsel of soft white cheese, leaned back, and closed his eyes. Ah, this was the life. First chance he got, he would learn the craft of bath-building. He didn't care if his friends thought masonry was a lower-class endeavor; baths were pleasurable and relaxing, and every Roman house worth its salt had one; and he knew that if he put his mind and hands to it, he could be just as good at bath-building as everything else he did. Besides, was not Mithras the noble everyman worker when he was not a soldier, mystic, or hero? 

"Jovian!" 

_Oh, no._ Jovian closed his eyes and groaned. 

That ridiculous voice rang louder, punctuated with panting breaths as the heavyset form of one Publius Crispus Hilarius ran onto the tiled floor surrounding the small bath.  
"Jovian! We're arriving in Riedonum in two day's time! I can't wait!" His excitement jarred the air, shattering like glass any semblance of calm.

"No, Hilarius, we're not. It's over two hundred miles from Pictavium to Riedonum and that's at least five days."

"But Mercury came to me in my dream. He said we'd have a swift journey!"

"'Swift journey' just means less than five days, Hilarius. It doesn't mean two days." Jovian turned away, hoping that the irritating man would take the hint.

He was wrong. "Hey, my mother makes cheese like this! Can I have some?"

"No," said Jovian, spreading a hand protectively over his supper. "Get your own. It's half a denarii."

"What about the bath?"

"Two denarii."

Hilarius furrowed his brow as he dug under his robe for his coin-bag. 

Jovian decided to give a stronger hint. "The baths close at dusk, by the way." A beam of rosy sunset shone through the west windows and made everything in the baths look mysterious, even otherworldly; funny how everything would be perfect if it weren't for his unwanted companion.

"Oh..." The portly man was visibly disappointed. "Ah, well, I think the food vendor's still there. See you soon!" And off he lumbered.

"No, you won't," said Jovian after him, knowing the other man wouldn't hear. He took another bite of food, trying to relax after the intrusion. 

What had he ever done to anger the gods so, that he should be plagued with such a character as Crispus Hilarius?

*~*~*~*~*

Of course, it hadn't been godly anger that threw these mismatched _nymphi_ together, but something more mundane: Jovian's father had been done a good turn by Hilarius', and it was time to return the favor.

The elder Crispus' good reference had made it possible for the senior Caelius to advance through the ranks and become leader of his government office. Caelius had always been competent, but lacked connections; and that was why he'd languished in his small-time public works post until he'd met Crispus, who said he reminded him of the little brother he'd lost as a child. And now Caelius got to showcase his leadership abilities: his building, road and aqueduct projects had earned praise from the Roman Senate itself; and his family's income grew quite comfortable, allowing them to move into a larger house.  
But that also meant that Caelius owed a debt-- and Crispus' misfit son was the perfect opportunity for repayment. If he didn't get some help, Hilarius would surely bring shame to the rest of his family.

"He's a liar and a fabulist, uncouth and not liked by girls," Crispus said to Caelius during a private conversation. "As funny and cheerful as he is, and as much as I love him... that's not enough to make up for his faults. For Jove's sake, he just barely made it past the _corax_ stage. After three years!"

Caelius nodded sympathetically. "But at least he _did_ make it..."

"But by the skin of his teeth. I encouraged him to follow the ways of Mithras precisely to teach him those things he lacks-- responsibility, self-discipline, _doing what you say you're going to do,_ " he said, emphasizing the last words. "And if he fails at it here..." Crispus bowed his head sadly. "Think of the damage to be done to my reputation."

"But where do I come in here?"

Crispus looked him in the eye. "Your son, Jovian, is just the kind of young man my son should act like. Mature, polite, a model student, a model Mithraite-- as I understand, he went from _corax_ to _nymphus_ in under a year, right?"

"Yes, he did--"

"And all the girls love him," Crispus interrupted. "Your son has a certain know-how with people that Hilarius never did. And he just couldn't learn it, I guess, from an old fogey like me. Maybe if he had a friend his own age to learn from, it would actually stick..." Then suddenly Crispus brightened. "I have an idea. They're opening new Mithraic temples all over the Empire. Maybe the two of them could go join one together?"

"I don't know..."

"They'd be helping to civilize the far reaches of the Empire... it would be a huge boost for their future careers, a demonstration of bravery and broad-mindedness like no other, as well as loyalty to the Emperor. It would be a great experience for them."

And Caelius frowned.  
No, it would not be a great experience for Jovian. Maybe for Hilarius, but not for his own son. For starters, the two of them had never even met. And more importantly, Hilarius was not the kind of person Jovian would ever choose for a friend.

"You're asking me to send my son with yours," he said, tone indignant. "To send them to some country backwater thousands of miles from home!" He paused, then continued: "You know, Crispus, this is how the Emperor punishes those he does not like. He sends then away to no-man's-land, and never gives them a date to return. Oh, he makes sure they have enough of a reason to go, some wall or fortress or military outpost that needs to be built, but it's plain as day that they've been banished."

Crispus bristled at having his positive story likened to banishment. "This is _not_ the same thing. You need a date? Fine... here's your date: two years on from the ides of next month."

"Two years? My son?"

"It's my son, too. And it's no longer than your average military tour."

Caelius scowled. "If I had wanted Jovian to be in the military, I would've had him join several years ago."

"As he would, anyway, if we were unlucky enough to be in a war right now! You are lucky, Marcus Caelius, that our last two Emperors have preferred diplomacy over wars; otherwise your son and mine and every able-bodied man their age would be just as far off in some strange land, whether they liked it or not. ... Do you remember, Caelius? What it was like for us at that age?" He was now gripping Caelius' arm, and staring straight into his eyes.

Caelius gulped. He did remember. And he wished he wouldn't.  
When he was Jovian's age, their Emperor had been Trajan-- who never met a battle he didn't like. All over Europe, Trajan's generals had sent young men to engulf and devour the native lands, claiming them for Rome and doing all sorts of terrible things to whomever they displaced. He himself had been sent to Dacia, a depressing place where the sun rarely shone and the flowers made him sneeze; and he woke up homesick every day for the abundant sunshine and hustle-bustle of his home. He'd learned to perfect his marksmanship so that he could kill a native with a single shot to the head, so that he would not have to listen to their screams. And then there was the military posturing, the peacocking and the sometimes outright bloodthirstiness of his fellow soldiers-- _These are men I'm going to have to work with and be friends with when we get back home?_  
His tour of duty had lasted just over a year, he hated every minute of it; and he vowed that as long as he had any say, no member of his family would ever see the inside of a soldier's barracks.

Conceding the point, Caelius backed down. "You're right, Crispus... and I do owe you, for what you did for me and my career. I just..." and he took a deep breath before he continued: "I just don't think Jovian will like it at all, being so far from Rome, and from his family and friends."

"I understand. It can be rough on a young man content with his life, to suddenly be uprooted from all that. But did we not have to go through similar experiences ourselves? _We_ dealt with an actual military draft. A mission for Mithras would have been a dream come true."

Caelius didn't answer at first. He needed more time to think. It would actually do Jovian some good to go on this venture... some things you just couldn't learn in a classroom, and men who had traveled generally had a wiser outlook on life than those who never left Rome. He himself didn't like to leave Rome, but that wasn't the point. Times were better now, and they'd been lucky enough to have Emperors who were relatively peaceable. And Crispus was right-- it would be a great opportunity for both of their sons to build character-- not just the son who was lacking in it. Not to mention, an adventure of a lifetime.

But still... Hilarius, himself, would be a problem.  
One he wasn't sure Jovian was ready to face.


	2. Chapter 2

Caelius had been right, of course. Jovian had indeed been excited at the prospect of exploring a new part of the Empire. But when he met Hilarius a week later, at a gathering to assign the missions; he'd disliked the fat, awkward, curly-haired youth almost on sight. _This_ pathetic manchild was going to be his companion for the next two years?

"I have decided to send you two to... Riedonum," said the _heliodromus_ , Marcus Graccus, a former general.

"Where is that?" asked Jovian.

"In Gallia Lugudensis, to the northwest. I think you will like it. I've only been there once, but it's a pleasant place. Sunny with fresh air and friendly people."

"But how far away is it?"

"One thousand miles. At least three weeks' journey."

Jovian's face fell. "Three... weeks?"

"Yes. But we will have you go in the fastest possible carriage-- a brand new rheda carruca," said Graccus. "They can go as fast as fifty miles per hour! It used to take over a month to get to Riedonum; now it only takes three weeks."

"We're going in a _carruca_?" said Hilarius, a little too excitedly. Jovian closed his eyes and looked away. Unfortunately Graccus, for some reason, decided to indulge him. 

"Why, yes, Hilarius. In fact, we have one parked outside right now." Hilarius dashed after him; and out of sheer curiosity, Jovian decided to follow too.

It was the most luxurious carriage Jovian had ever seen. Large wooden seats covered in leather, curtains over the windows which could be raised and lowered, small wooden footrests under the seats, and even an area in the back which held two straw mattresses.  
"That's for when you need a proper sleep," said Graccus; "but for naps, and if you don't get the comfortable bed, we have these as well." His coachman produced a number of buckskin cushions, also filled with straw. 

Meanwhile, Hilarius was stretched out full-length on one of the mattresses. After a moment, a loud snore filled the air; and then he sprang bolt upright, and laughed. "See? That's funny!" said Hilarius, not noticing the other man's lack of amusement. "Hey... what's your name again?"

"Jovian." He put on his best polite smile and shook the other youth's hand. It was slightly sweaty. "My father works with your father, I think."

"Oh, yes. Father's always saying good things about yours... apparently he builds the best roads in northwest Rome!" 

"Well, he doesn't actually _build_ the roads, he just designs them--"

"Say, have you ever been to Gaul?" Hilarius interrupted.

"No."

"Me neither. " He turned to face the horizon and stared dreamily out into the distance. "Land of wine and sunshine. I've never been outside Rome before. I can't wait!"

 _You're out of your mind_ , thought Jovian. _We're in for a tedious three-week trip, and you think that's exciting?_ Seeing his chance, he left his companion behind and dashed across the room to join his friends Marcus and Septimus.  
"So, where are you guys headed?" he asked them.

"I'm going to Lugdunum," said Marcus. "That's my companion over there," he said, pointing to an intense-looking youth with tanned skin and black hair. "I forgot his name, but all he ever talks about is girls."

"And I'm going to Athens," said Septimus, beaming; and Jovian instantly felt jealous.

"I wish _I_ were going to Greece."

"Hey, but Gaul isn't bad, from what I hear," said Septimus. "It sounds kind of like Greece, but without being so ungodly hot."

"But have you checked out _my_ companion?" Jovian lowered his voice and gave a side-glance at Hilarius, standing alone on the side of the room and grinning, he thought, like an idiot.

Marcus glanced quickly and and then turned back. "Oh, I've heard of him... he's kind of a left-back. He's older than us because it took him so long to finish _corax._ "

"I know, right?"

"So how did you end up with him anyway?"

"His dad helped my dad out at work," he said, but having to cut it off; because Graccus had now stepped to the middle of the room and called for everyone's attention.

"Okay, everyone. I have now met with all of you and chosen your mission destinations. Now, I know this is probably the biggest undertaking of your lives, and some of you have never set foot outside Rome before. This is as big to you as going away for school, or the military. But in a way it's even better... more sacred, for this is about your spirits and your characters. It's about allowing Mithras to show you the ways of the hero, the warrior without going to war. It's about turning from a boy, at last, into a man."

Jovian focused on Graccus with rapt attention. It would free him from having to look at Hilarius.

"Now, each of you has recently been made a _nymphus._ You have taken the waters under the light of Spica, and become the devoted bridegroom of Mithras. This stage is a lot like studying philosophy in school-- much self-reflection. You may find it's not all fun and games as the life of a _corax_ was," and at this, laughter bubbled up from fathers and sons alike.  
Graccus continued: "To see ourselves as we really are, not how we wish we were... that leads to self-honesty. And when you are completely honest with yourself, that's how you know you are ready for the next level. That is why I am sending you off on your journeys with this tool to aid you." And he summoned his servant, a boy in black robes no more than fifteen, to walk around the circle of two dozen or so men and hand them each something from a large basket.

"What is this..." said Jovian, holding it up. It was round, about four inches in diameter, and had a metal backing with flourishes of solid gold. His eyes widened as he caught his reflection in it."It's a looking glass!"

"I've got one too! Just like yours," said Hilarius, running up to his side.

"The looking glass is an important symbol of self-knowledge," continued Graccus. "Whatever qualities you see in others, there's a reflection on your own qualities." Jovian would rather not think about which qualities Hilarius and he shared.

Suddenly the _heliodromus'_ expression turned serious, and all the young men sat at attention. "Now, I must remind you of something that you, as young men, may find difficult." He paused, then said: "The stage of _nymphus_ is, in effect, a marriage to Mithras. And that means no sex outside this wedlock. Not, at least, until you've graduated to the next stage."  
Some of the young men immediately groaned, Marcus' companion loudest of all.

"Remember, I said it wasn't all fun and games. But it's necessary, in order to have a clear mind. Self-discipline is one of the most important things to learn. It's what Mithras most looks for. He doesn't just want you to develop your body-- he wants you to grow your mind and spirit as well." Then, to the whole group: "And one other thing: none of you will choose to become a monk-- or a nun-- yourselves anytime soon, right?"  
Everyone in the circle shook their heads.  
" _Nymphus_ is a way for you to see life as they do. To see the world through the eyes of someone you'll never be, and never choose to be, brings you wisdom. We can't very well go through life seeing things only from our own narrow point of view and expect to be objective, right?" The fathers in the circle nodded.

There came a noise off to the side. "All right, I see food has arrived," said Graccus as the black-robed servant came in with a huge loaf of bread-- it had to be the size of a saddle-- and returned to the kitchen. On his second trip he brought a large stone pitcher, and on the third he passed out red clay mugs to each man in the circle. Then he brought meat, boiled eggs, cheese and an assortment of fruits.

Graccus cleared his throat. "Before we begin, let us thank Mithras for this food and drink, and for all of us being here today. Let us join hands." And at that, everyone in the room, fathers, sons and _heliodromus_ , joined hands. "Mithras, we thank you for these libations and the harvest which made them; and the sun which made the harvest. We ask that we be fortified in preparation for our long journey far from our home. Ya dost Mithra."

"Ya dost Mithra," repeated everyone else in unison.

Graccus then asked for everyone's journeys to be safe, and that each of the young men emerge from their odyssey stronger and wiser than before, and that their families be happy and prosperous. Finally, he gave the go-ahead, and the youths fell upon the food like wild animals.

Jovian sipped at his drink. It tasted like a mint and herb mixture his mother made whenever anyone in his family got a stomachache; but there was a strong undertone of beer or mead, too. Strange, but oddly satisfying.

"Disappointed?" asked his father once they were alone.

"Yes..." Jovian sighed. "I wish they would have sent me to Baiae." His mind drifted off into a scene of sparkling blue waters, white beaches and endless amusement.

"But thankfully you weren't sent to Dacia," said Caelius, bringing his son back to earth, smiling knowingly.

"Father, have you ever been to Gaul before?"

"Actually, I have. And let me tell you: if I had been stationed there in my military days, I might have felt better about the whole thing." He paused, considering. "Just a little bit."

"So it's a nice place?"

"Pretty good. At least the part I've seen."

*~*~*~*~*

Later, after everyone had finished eating and was starting to go home, the black-robed servant came in and picked up the leftovers. Jovian noticed that the robes resembled a crow's feathers. "Graccus? Is the servant a new initiate?"

"Yes, he is," said Graccus. "My cousin's son Artorius. Brand new _corax._ Good powers of observation, Jovian."

Jovian beamed, never being one to shy away from praise.

Hilarius was still around, looking longingly at the scraps of food the _corax_ was cleaning up. As soon as the boy had left the room, Hilarius looked side to side, then swept the crumbs in a little pile, into his palm and then into his mouth. Jovian turned his eyes toward his father, embarrassed.  
"I think I see why he's taken three years to be promoted," he whispered.

"That's why you've got to be with him," said his father. "To be a good example."

"But Father... I do _not_ like him. I do not want to be pulling his weight all the time."

"You're not supposed to be pulling his weight. He needs to do it himself, and get out of his own way."

"What if he doesn't?"

"Then Mithras help him." Caelius quaffed the rest of his drink. "It's still better than being sent to Dacia."

*~*~*~*~*

"Two whole years?!" Livia said the words with eyes and mouth agape.

"I'm not going to be _that_ far away. I'll be in Gaul." He downplayed it as much for himself as for her. 

"Why can't you just go to Mithras services here in Rome?"

"Father thought it would be better if I traveled to some other part of the Empire."

"I hate that," she said, frowning. "I hate that you get to go off and do exciting things while I have to stay home and wait."

Jovian didn't really know what to say to that. Saying that life at home wouldn't be boring wasn't exactly right. Indulging her dissatisfaction might magnify his own ambivalent feelings. If only there was time to make love to her. After all, he wouldn't be having sex for the next two years.

"Promise me you'll meet me back here when you return," she said.

 _'Promise me'?_ That was going for the throat. He wasn't sure of making _any_ promises right now. Not even to what would be the closest thing to a future wife he'd have for a while. 

"Here. Take this, to remind you of me," said Livia as she pulled a clip from her hair and placed it in Jovian's palm. It was unique, all right. No other girl he knew wore starfish-shaped hair clips made from mother-of-pearl. In return, he handed her a small piece of polished lapis he had picked up in the temple a while ago. 

"I'll miss you," said Livia, clasping his hands. "I love you. Come back quickly." They drew together and kissed.  
Which Jovian knew he was supposed to enjoy, but for some reason didn't.

*~*~*~*~*

Two days later, the day of departure had come and the carruca, all loaded up and ready to go, stopped one last time at the Caelius house for Jovian to say goodbye to his family.

"Please write as often as you can," said his mother, hugging him close with tears in her eyes.

"I'll write as soon as I arrive."

"What are you talking about? I expect a message before you get there!" and Jovian hugged his mother again.

After he embraced his younger brothers and sisters, Jovian turned to his father, and felt tears sting his own eyes as their arms locked around each other.

"Goodbye, my son," said Caelius. "Mithras look after you these next two years. And... I'll miss you."

"Will you be all right?"

"Oh, I think we'll manage," said his father. "I'll be thinking about you every day, though." They hugged again, and this time it took so long that Hilarius' voice rang out from the carruca: "Oi! Are you coming?!"

"Well, this is it," said Jovian, finally pulling away. He sniffled. "I'll miss you. I'll think about you and Mother and the others every day."

"I'm so proud of you. My first and best son. Good luck!"

"Goodbye, Father, and good luck to you too!" He strode toward the carriage, waving all the way. And once he got in he did not stop, standing up and waving until his family was, at last, out of sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References:
> 
>  _Mithras: Mysteries and Inititation Rediscovered_ by D. Jason Cooper
> 
>  _The Mysteries of Mithras: The Pagan Belief That Shaped the Christian World_ By Payam Nabarz
> 
> Information about the rheda carruca "fastest carriage" here: http://www.forumtraiani.com/roman-carriages/


End file.
